9-11

Today is the anniversary of 9-11. Seven years has passed and I still get sad when I see the images from that day. I am brought back to the day all over again and remember seeing the first plane crashing. I don't have a lot to say on the subject because I would only say what all of you know and feel. But I did want to acknowledge the day because it was a life changing day in America.

It was a great day!

Today has been a great day. I taught this morning and again had to teach reading. I am excited to say that I thought I did a wonderful job today! Is that bragging? But I must say, after the last two days teaching reading and them being disasters...I don't care if it's bragging, I did great! I only worked a half day and I was perfectly fine with that. It was an ugly and cloudy day. I was fine sitting on the couch watching a Harry Potter DVD and playing my DS. Tonight I had dinner with 2 friends (LaToyia and Lindsey) and then Christine and Abby showed up. So I hung out with them after my dinner was done with Toyia and Lindsey. It was so nice that I got to catch up with some of my friends.

Andy took his test and it will be a couple of months before we find out how he did. I'm not worried. I'll love him no matter what his score is.

Oh one last thing. I only had to repair the tire and not get a new one. I was very happy with that. I have the worst luck with tires!

The day just kept getting worse

The day started last night for me (as odd as that sounds) when I could not fall asleep. I honestly feel like I don't sleep well if Andy isn't the last person I talk to at night (when I say talk, I mean email). Finally at midnight I took a Tylenol PM. As the alarm went off 3 times and I pushed snooze 3 times, I thought maybe the Tylenol wasn't the best idea. I rolled myself out of bed and started my morning routine and the time passed quickly. I noticed that I was running pretty late. I finally walked out the door with my breakfast in hand (peanut butter and jelly sandwich) and got in the car. As I crept slowly to the corner I heard a thump, thump, thump. I got out of the car and what do you know...FLAT TIRE! Luckily my mother is still out of work from her surgery and I used her van to head of to work. I made it right on time. When that happens first thing in the morning, we all know that there is often a spiral effect. Needless to say, my teaching was completely off. Teaching a reading program that is new to me is very hard. I muddled through it and made it to lunch. Then at lunch I found out I had to stay in the current classroom and get through math. While I would normally be very excited for this, the plan in the book was about exploration and I didn't have the tools for the kids to explore with. It turned out okay because we reviewed for their test that is coming up on Friday but I felt completely lost. The last hour of the day I was with 4th graders and did math. I at least ended the school day well.

When I got home I had to figure out how to take care of my flat tire. Thank goodness for my friend Marcie! She had a air compressor and she came by the house and we aired up the tire. I took it over to Wal-Mart to get fixed. I'm still waiting for them to call to see if they can repair it or I have to get a new one.

I was supposed to go to the movies with Christine tonight, so it bums me out that I have to deal with this and not enjoy my evening after a very long day.

Probably not politically correct but whatever

I'm going to start off by saying that I must have an ego because this subbing thing makes me mad to no end. I'll also say that I'm guilty of doing this also. That being said, I would hardly ever leave my classroom to a sub and when I did have a sub they weren't normally a certified teacher. So here I go. I'm a teacher not a warm body to have in a room to babysit. I go and sub and I've been babysitting. I don't want to teach a new concept, but I don't want to give worksheets all day and then watch them play games. When I had a sub, depending on who it was I let them "teach" or "babysit". But they know I'm a teacher! They act like I'm dumb or don't know anything. What is that about? I have been in the district since Jan. '04 and a lot of them know that. Is that awful that I feel that way? I just think that I deserve to be treated with some sort of respect. Also, people have often talked about Eisenhower (my old school) not being very friendly. Well I've been in several schools and I don't know that any of the schools are friendly to subs. I did talk to the subs that would sit in the teachers lounge when I was teaching, but there are times where no one spoke to me. Okay, there's my rant for the day.

On to better things! Today I was so excited to buy a new portable DVD player. I have always been a traveler and I want to do more. I've often thought about a portable DVD player but I never bought one. I'm so excited!

My mom bought her a silver Nintendo DS after I told on her (on this blog) that she pretty much stole mine from me. I told her I always tell the truth on the blog and I had to tell the truth about her as well. It's all in fun but she really enjoys doing the word search and mah jong games I have.

And last but not least, Andy is doing well. He and I continue to talk through email and web cam. Having a blackberry phone is great for this because he can get a hold of me anytime. The email goes directly to my phone and we just email each other back and forth. He is going to take his E5 test tomorrow and I am very nervous for him. He isn't exactly in an ideal testing situation. Keep your fingers crossed for him!

Talk with you soon!

It really is a small world

Last week I was talking to lady who subs in the district. I have known her through the years and we chat when we see each other. The big question everyone asks me when they see me subbing is "why are you subbing?". In the process of telling the story a light bulb went off in my head. I knew that her family was involved with the Catholic Church. So I though I would just see if she knew who Andy was. Sure enough, she sure did. She said she taught his older brother Jim at St. Xavier School. Then today, I was subbing in a different school and one of the teachers told me she heard about me getting married. She also told me that she taught Andy in the 4th grade. Everyone wants to know if he still has the same blue eyes. I show them a picture of us together; yes he still has "those same blue eyes".

I'm tired from the day and my feet hurt. Fall is arriving slowly here in Kansas. It has been raining for the last 3 days and cold to top it off. You can't help but feeling lazy. So that's all for now.

I thought it was supposed to get easier.

I have been getting a lot of grief because I don't update my blog as often as I used to while I was in Hawaii. I could blame it on being busy, but the truth is I'm sad many days and I don't want to write. My friend Shauna said maybe I should use this as a journal to get my feelings out. I like the idea but do I really want to put all that out there? So I think I'll just do it this once so you can understand where I am coming from emotionally and then I will really will try to get better. I really thought as time passed things would get easier emotionally. Time does heal all wounds and I guess I need to give things time. I'm so impatient. So here I go, something I haven't discussed ever on this blog, the miscarriage.

When I had the miscarriage, all I wanted to do was be with Andy in Hawaii. Two weeks later I was with him but then I was so happy to be with him I buried my feelings about the loss of the baby (I'm thinking this is what happened). I say this because now that I'm back home, I feel like I'm grieving again where I left off. I think that's odd but I know everything has a process and I need to go through the process completely before I feel better. You can only run away from things for so long before it catches up with you.

I also think I'm super sad to be away from Andy. I know that we are lucky and I need to get over it. That being said, its hard just the same.

Lastly, I'm having a hard time not having my own classroom and my own kiddos to teach. I often feel like I'm just baby-sitting when I'm subbing. I hope when I start the long-term sub position I will feel better about things and I'll feel worth something.

So there you have it. I'm bummed out. Lets hope things get better soon. I'm so very lucky that I can talk to Andy about things and he is always so supportive.

I'm so embarrassed!

So I have to tell you what happened today before I tell you what I've been up to. I was subbing in the 3rd grade at my beloved Eisenhower Elementary (where I used to teach). We were outside on the concrete playing a game. All the kids were in a circle and I was walking around the circle and all of a sudden (how embarrassing!), I was on the ground. Oh my gosh, yes, I fell in front of the whole class! I apparently tripped over my own feet and fell, really hard. I even skinned my knee. Thank goodness I didn't rip a hole in my new pants. And I hurt my hand when I tried to catch my fall. My hand hurts more as the day goes on. How dumb though! I can't believe I fell! At least the kids didn't laugh at me and were only concerned. I find it really funny now. It was all in slow motion. The worst of it was that I broke my new bracelet that I got. Dang it!

Now for the updates: It has been a busy time around our (my parents) house. My mom had surgery last week and my dad and I have been busy helping her. When you get older, you just don't recover that easy. Last week, everyday after school I went to visit her at the hospital and then I'd come home and get ready for bed. Pathetic I know, but I was with kindergarten and first grade and they make me so tired! I was ready for the long weekend so I could rest up and I was excited because two of my aunts (my mom's sisters) and cousin came to visit. My dad cooked up a feast for them and they cooked too. My Aunt Lil made my favorite food. Actually I had all my favorite foods this weekend. Yet another reason why my pants don't fit!


So, since my mom has been home she has been obsessed with my Nintendo DS. She got it for me as a Christmas gift and thought I didn't really need it. I play it all the time, but since I've been home she's had it in her possession. What's up with that!?!? I do have to say that I think the DS is the best thing ever. My newest game is crosswords/word searches. I love it and apparently so does my mother.